What was the point?

*moving complaint free bracelet... again*

I'm so frustrated right now! I've been home a grand total of 2 days and I'm at a complete loss of why I even bothered to come here in the first place! To back up a bit, I originally decided to come home because I was slightly homesick, my grandmother had mentioned how she'd really like someone to be around for the anniversary of my grandfather's death (and I knew no one else would step up to be there for her), it was the week leading up to my birthday, and because I was already going to be on the mainland for a conference... it all made logical sense to come home! Then I found out my father was going to have back surgery so it was even better that I was heading home.

Little did I know, but that was all wrong. My trip started out crappy. My father couldn't come to the airport to get me because of his surgery so I set up a ride with my friend Charles. However, Charles had a meeting that ran long and I had to sit at the airport for almost two hours. Not anyone's fault, but still not a great start to my week home. When I got home I thought things would get better, but although my mother was cordial to me, she wasn't ecstatic about me being there. I escaped my house after checking in on my father by basically forcing my friend Megan S. to go to Barnes n' Noble with me. I would've gone to visit my grandmother, but when she found out I wasn't getting into town until later she decided to go spend the night at her cousin, Dot's, house. After my short hour with Megan S., I went home to crash.

I woke up Friday hoping that a new day meant a new start. WRONG! My mother has taken the week off to help my father out, so she was around all day. Again, she was cordial, but not nice. I escaped to go visit my grandmother. She was happy to see me, but too busy to actually chat (her and my uncle were putting away outdoor items before it gets cold). So I headed back home, and that is where I remained for the rest of the day. Two of my friends bailed on me and I couldn't get a hold of any others. Even my brother was "too tired" to hang out with his older sister, so everyone went to bed early and I sat there watching old NCIS episodes until I got to bored and angry to watch anymore.

Today. I woke up excited because today is the Husker gave vs. Mizzou, and the day that I'm supposed to go to a pumpkin patch with Monica, Lydia, Yvette, and Megan H. Only, things haven't gone as planned. Yvette and Megan H. don't want to go to a pumpkin patch (even though Lydia, Monica, and I have been planning this for the past month and a half), so since Lydia is hosting them she's bailing too. Also, I tried to go to the Husker game since I was in town, but my only hope was Megan MK, and she didn't come through for me. Not her fault, but still sucky, so I tried to get a hold of Monica to see if I could watch it with her. Nope... she was watching it with her boyfriend George. So I stayed home and started watching it with my parents. And as predicted that didn't go over well. My mother and I had watched Game Day on ESPN earlier in the morning and when the game came on she tried to tell my father a statistic they had given on Game Day but couldn't remember it. I helped her out... or I *thought* I helped her out, but she viewed it as me correcting her so she got pissed off.

Basically, I'm not allowed to watch the remainder of the game with my family because my mother is throwing a hissy fit and refuses to be in the same room as me, and my father is pissed off that it's only been two days and we can't get along. NOT MY FAULT! On top of all of this, I've text a number of my friends just to let them know I'm in town and asking if they want to hang out sometime while I'm here, and NONE of them have answered. So now I'm sitting in my room, pissed off, upset, angry, bored, and wondering why the fuck I came back! >:(

I know that I'm being overly dramatic right now, but I'm just so frustrated! I mean, if I wanted to feel alone, I would've preferred to be lonely in Hawaii where I at least felt people at home missed me and wanted me around... but being here right now feels like no one cares I'm here or necessarily wants me around. I know, not true, but I can't help how it feels. I didn't need to spend lots of money to come home and feel like shit...

NAE4-HA Conference

I have loads to update about the conference I'm currently at! I'll try to get it posted this weekend!

-----------------------------------------

Whoa... I didn't get this post updated as soon as I wanted to, but better late than never!

Conferences keep you crazy busy. Thus the reason I didn't have any time and/or energy to update during that time. I left Honolulu at 9pm Saturday evening, and after 3 different planes I finally arrived in Phoenix, AZ at around noon on Sunday. After checking into the intimidatingly ritzy Arizona Grand Resort hotel I was escorted to my suite and met my roommates, Becky and Marla. Becky is a fellow Hawaii 4-H person, but she lives and works on the Big Island (Hawaii) so I've never met her. Marla is a 4-H agent from Alaska who used to work with Becky when they were both 4-H agents in Idaho.

I had a lot of good conversations with Becky throughout the weekend. Becky has a very interesting perspective about being an outsider in Hawaii, as well as being a part of our dysfunctional organization compared to being involved in 4-H in other states. She understands both sides and was able to provide further insight where Gary, being the state leader, can't. Hopefully I'll be able to write another post about fellow Hawaii 4-H perspectives soon.

The remainder of my first day included a first-timers orientation (where I met a bunch of people from the Nebraska 4-H delegation), and an opening ceremony/dinner that was hilariously enough Hawaii themed. We also, as part of these opening ceremonies, had to create state floats to send down the resort's lazy river. One of the other Hawaii representatives, DeAnn, had brought her Husband and kids to the conference for a mini family vacation, so we decorated two inner-tubes with Hawaiian themed stickers, a hula skirt as a tail, some leis, and mini palm trees, then placed her kids into the inner-tubes and told them to shout "Aloha!" to everyone as they passed by. It was super adorable! Alas, we didn't win the float competition, New Jersey did with a Jersey Shore theme, but we were in the top 5. The opening ceremonies was held in the resorts massive water oasis park, so naturally after the festivities were done we proceeded to repeatedly go down the three monstrous slides they had, as well as float down the lazy river on our own. It was so much fun!

The next day was the first official day of the conference... business meetings, keynote speakers, seminars, exhibitions, etc. The first keynote speaker, Rafe Esquith, was amazing! Never heard of him? Check this out: http://cnettv.cnet.com/eye-eye-rafe-esquith/9742-1_53-50009179.html. He's the only teacher to be awarded the Presidential Medal of the Arts... Ever. He was so superbly inspirational! I don't know how else to describe it. He is an elementary school teacher from Hobart Elementary in Los Angeles County, and he is doing wonders with his students who come from under-privileged backgrounds. I highly recommend that you check out at least one of his books!

That was also the day that I was able to have a long conversation with DeAnn about the state of Hawaii 4-H. It's good to get other's perspectives. I'm building up my list of interviews... I just wish I would've been prepared to take specific notes. DeAnn gave me a lot to think about, but I'm not going to write it here. I still have to mull over it a bit, and it's not fair to share some of her specific opinions without her permission. After talking with DeAnn, I decided to roam around the Exhibition hall where I came across the Omaha, Nebraska stand where they were advertising for next year's conference (it's going to be held in Omaha in October 2011). When talking with the Nebraska delegation they recognized my last name and asked if I was related to Jami Rutt. I was like, "Um, yeah! She's my cousin!" To which they informed me that Jami just started a job in Nebraska Extension down in Falls City, NE about a month ago! Crazy small world!

Tuesday morning was crazy busy with meetings and workshops/seminars. I did walk out on one (respectfully) though because it was on Conflict Resolution and I had already learned all their useful information and the rest of it wasn't really accurate so it was frustrating me. I suppose that's going to happen when I've studied this material specifically for a Masters Degree. The rest of Tuesday and the morning of Wednesday had me really nervous about my father's surgery... so I didn't do much. In fact my roommate Marla was really good about keeping me distracted and even skipped a session or two (she didn't really want to go to them anyway) to keep me company by the pool or chat about the National state of 4-H. She's good people.

Wednesday evening was the awards ceremony/banquet. It was fun to go to a formal event... everyone looked so wonderful!

There is so much I learned but I don't have my notebook on me right now to jot down my notes. I'll post more later!

Dad's Surgery

My father had back surgery today. I've been freaking out. The latest update is that he just came out of surgery and is in recovery. *sigh of relief*

It was a crazy day. I was suppose to attend a workshop this morning on diversity within 4-H programming, but the presenter never showed up. I took this as a sign that since I was already emotionally distracted that I just needed to take some personal time until I heard word on my father's condition. One of my roommates, Marla, suggested that we go down to the pool and relax, or go soak in the hot tub. I suggested both.

I'm glad I did decide to take a break for myself. It was so good that I actually skipped a portion of the afternoon session (not all, just half) to sleep after I found out the news he came out of surgery. It was okay though, because I found out later that the portion I skipped wasn't really worth it anyways.

I'm glad I get to see my father tomorrow. I'll update more on how he's doing once I learn more.

A Public Accusation

This posting is going to be hard to write. I don't want to slander anyone by writing this posting, including myself, but I feel that if I am going to be accurately documenting my RPP experience that I should post something about the situation that happened yesterday.

In my previous posting about productivity, I mentioned that I had posted a potential RPQ paper idea to my cluster on Moodle. I woke up yesterday morning to a response to that posting basically calling me a racist... a posting that due to the nature of the cluster forum is sent out to every member subscribed to the forum (in this case 9-10 people). I was floored, shocked, taken back, hurt, disgusted, angry, confused, etc, etc, etc.

The comment I had posted was very short, possibly only 3ish sentences, and were basically explaining that I wanted to focus my RPQ #1 on my Organizational Behavior courses, and that I really didn't know which direction to take it in, but that there was a mentality that was proving frustrating. The comment happened to have the word "progress" in it, which is a word containing a lot of issues (especially on the SIT campus) because of it's Eurocentric ties. I admit that I probably used the wrong term, but to have someone broadcast publicly that I am racist for my posting without even trying to understand what I was actually saying is preposterous to me!

The thing that is most upsetting about this situation, to me, is that the frustration revolving around the mentality I had mentioned in my posting was not even my frustration but the frustration of people with whom I work who happen to be of a variety of races, including native Hawaiians. Also that the mentality I was discussing is a organizational structural issue that involves people of many races and crosses racial lines, that isn't viewed as a racial issue here (as far as I know).

I spent the large part of my day drafting responses and emails to the individual involved, as well as my advisor (who had not stepped in even though the posting had gone out hours before I woke up). My response to the individual (and the rest of my cluster) was professional and clarifying. My email to the individual thanked them for their willingness to provide honest feedback but also express my hurt and disappointment in the manner they chose to do so (publicly, without attempting to seek understanding with me first, forming assumptions and accusations). And my email to my advisor was one of honest disenchantment with the forum process, how the situation had been handled thus far, and about cluster etiquette considering this cluster forum on Moodle is supposed to be a safe and supportive environment for ourselves and our peers to work together to empower/assist each other throughout our RPPs.

Needless to say I was exhausted by the end of the day, and completely unmotivated to continue doing anything connected to my practicum.

I received a response from the individual who had made the "racist" comment, and they apologized for the manner in which they handled the situation, but then chose to reprimand me and again lecture me for my terminology. I just received a brief response from my advisor this morning expressing apologies that this situation has put me in the position I am in, and wanting to discuss it with me further before he responds. I'm slightly concerned by what that means, but there is only one way to find out.

I hope this posting provides an idea of my day yesterday without slandering anyone involved, including myself. If any further information develops from this situation I will keep you updated, otherwise I will hopefully be able to lay this subject to rest and not speak further on it.

Productivity: Procrastination's Worst Nightmare

I have been on a roll today... not as big of a roll as I was hoping, but somethings better than nothing! Today I have accomplished the following (not necessarily in this order):

• Wrote and submitted my Practicum Description for my RPP
• Updated my course list for my RPP
• Submitted an RPQ Topic for consideration
• Called my grandmother for her birthday
• Confirmed my ride from the airport and contacted my father
• Researched more enrollment statistics for Hawaii 4-H
• Updated my contact information during my RPP with SIT
• Procured an RPP Cluster "buddy"
• Wrote and submitted my Language Proficiency Requirement - Option 3 Statement
• Re-read the CYFAR grant proposal and took notes
• Started drafting my monthly updates for my RPP

It may not seem like much, but I'm pretty proud of what I accomplished today, considering I was dreading doing half of it. I would've liked to have finished my monthly updates for my RPP, developed and submitted my RPP learning plan, as well as catch up on my blog postings (I am way behind!), but there is still time, and I can work on it this evening, too (I mean, I am still a student... hello homework!).

Tonight I also need to finish packing. I leave for Phoenix on Saturday. So excited! It's hard to believe that a week from now I'll be in Nebraska! Doubly excited!! :D When I started packing yesterday, I became frustrated because I'm only going to be gone 2 weeks, so I should be able to take a smaller carry-on bag and be just fine! I should just take what I need for the conference in Phoenix because I have clothes in Nebraska that I can wear while I'm there... but I have clothes that I want to take home because I don't wear them here, and I have books that I want to take home so that I don't have to ship them home later. This makes the packing process much more difficult. I'll figure it out... it just might take a little effort.

Okay, in the spirit of being productive, back to work! Or off to post more blog entries... whatevs... ;)

*Breathe in, Breath out*

Just found out that my father has to have back surgery next week. A day before I arrive in Nebraska. Kind of freaking out... just a little bit.

He's been in pain for awhile, and has tried Cortisone shots, physical therapy, etc, but his doctor has decided the next step is surgery. I'm glad he's getting the help he needs, but I can't help but worry.

The procedure is fairly simple, or so I'm told, but there is always risk with surgery. I'm extra grateful that I am going home next week, but still upset that I don't get into town until a day after he goes under the knife. At least I'll be there for the week after to spend time with my family and help out.

My father knows how much I worry about stuff because when he called he downplayed the actual surgery part of the conversation and focused more and asking me to see if I could find someone to pick me up from the airport in Omaha because he obviously wont be able to do it. Seriously. He was more "concerned" with me getting home safely than him going under the knife. *rolls eyes*

I want to take a moment and thank my friend Charles for agreeing to come and get me without even knowing the specifics of why I was asking or my flight information. He's a good friend who is willing to help out a friend in need. Thank you, Charles. You're my hero!

Okay... I'm going to go watch some F.R.I.E.N.D.S. to take my mind off of things for awhile...

The Kindness of Others

I'm speechless at this moment. I've been bestowed an amazing gift from an amazingly kind person!

To back up a bit... in a previous post I mentioned how a woman who

works in my building learned that I don't get paid and have to rely on my boss for food. She exchanged numbers with me to possibly hang out, but mostly so that when she has left-overs she can bring them to me. Well when I came into work today, in the middle of my desk was a giant bag full of groceries and a note attached to my computer monitor saying the food was for me. This woman, Lee,

and I have only had one conversation relating to this topic (over a

week ago!), and haven't talked much beyond that conversation but she still went out of her way to get me groceries! There are kind people in this world that provide for others even when they don't have a lot themselves, and Lee is one of those people. It's crazy that a bag of groceries made me tear up, but they did, and I'm so incredibly grateful! I hope to remember to pay it forward!

Football Season is in the Air

It's been an AMAZING weekend thus far! No joke! Last night Gary, Karen and I went shopping and to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants that I rarely ever get to go to - Buca di Beppo! We finished the evening by driving through Waikiki :)

However, this post is focusing on the events of today. Today was, in every sense of the phrase, College Football Saturday. As a native Nebraskan, college football runs through my veins... I mean, I bleed Husker Red! So on the day of the big #5 Nebraska vs (unranked) Texas game Gary, Karen and I woke up and went to a local sports bar called The Varsity to watch the game for 'Red Out Around the World' day!

It was a lot of fun! In total there were about 12 Husker fans, and around 7 or 8 Texas fans that showed up to watch the game (one even brought their dog dressed in Texas apparel). The Texas fans were really nice for the most part, except for one douche-bag fan who was even annoying the other Texas fans. Out of the Husker fans there were two business men from Omaha here working on a IT contract with the military for a month (they showed up and left in a limo), a couple of military guys and their wives who are currently stationed here (one of the couples showed up in a Husker red Jeep with Husker flags in honor of Red Out Around the World day), a UNL alum and her Australian husband, a random college student who appreciates the Nebraska legacy and tradition, and then us. It was fascinating just talking and hearing how we all ended up in Hawaii. The Huskers ended up losing the game, but it's not the end of the world, and it was still a lot of fun to hang out and watch the game with other Husker fans in the middle of Hawaii!

Check out some photos from this morning:

Gary just had to have his picture taken with the Husker red Jeep with the Husker flags in his Hawaiian Husker shirt for Red Out Around the World day!

Later this evening, we went to the Hawaii vs #19 Nevada football game at Aloha Stadium. Gary and Karen have season tickets, but the Hawaii games are never sold out so they bought me a cheap ticket and had me come sit near them. At the Hawaii home games the football team

does a Samoan chant before the game, a UH cheerleader "surfs" across the field on a surfboard (male cheerleaders carry her across the field standing on a surfboard), and they have Samoan drummers. Tonight was also military night, so there were a lot of military members in attendance. They had a military band join the UH marching band (I'm a pretty big marching band nerd, so I was really excited!), and had a tribute during half time. In addition, military members would do push-ups in the end-zone whenever Hawaii scored a touchdown! It was such an exciting game! Hawaii won 27-21!!! My voice is still hoarse. :)

Check out some photos from this evening:

And of course we wore our Husker Red to the Hawaii game! Hello!! It was Red Out Around the World day, and even though we lost we're still loyal Husker fans! :) Plus, it was an excellent conversation starter!

All in all, an amazingly wonderful weekend thus far! The football fan in me is happy.

Interfaith Fellowship Opportunity

Okay... I know I'm in Hawaii and that my current practicum has nothing to do with my interest in interfaith work, but I have breaking news! I just found an opportunity for a year-long interfaith fellowship focusing on the UN Millennial Development Goals! It's almost too perfect and amazing to be true! AND, wait for it... It's paid with benefits! It also has an all-expenses paid month long training in London! Hello?!?! Another amazing thing about this fellowship is that it doesn't start until this up-coming summer so I wouldn't have to choose between my current position in paradise and my career goals. :) I'm freaking out a little right now...

Anyone who knows me, especially from this past year, knows I'm passionate about interfaith issues and dialogue. I tried to find a practicum in that field, but didn't have any luck... obviously. Now I stumble across this position and am happy nothing else turned up or worked out because this position seems absolutely perfect! I'm super nervous because I want this position really badly... like hard-core! Don't you hate when that happens?

Okay, I'm going to go work on the application since I currently have nothing else to do (long story). Wish me luck!!! :D

Quick Summary

Okay... so I'm a little behind on my updating. Whoops! I promise I'll try to make this quick.

Meetings last week: The symposium was really interesting, but beyond the keynote address from Randy Taum, I didn't really get much out of it. It was too focused on science, ecology, oceanography, etc, etc, etc, and we were only there because we received a science service-learning grant through the Hawaii Campus Compact. The room we were in was over air-conditioned and I'm pretty sure that this was the cause of both Gary and I feeling under the weather this week. One last thing on the symposium... the majority of the powerpoint presentations were horrible! I don't mean to be rude, but after taking TDEL up at SIT and being properly trained in the art of powerpoint presentations, these just hurt. Even people who didn't know the specifics of how to present at good powerpoint presentation knew these were horrible! People reading off slides, having more text than a novel on each slide, horrible color combinations, too much flashy animation that distracted from the presentation, etc. These people need to seriously take Jennifer McClearen's powerpoint 101 lesson!

The second meeting was with the O'ahu County Livestock Leaders. They're a *fun* bunch. (Can you read the sarcasm?) Where to start? There was the woman who only wanted to talk about HER experiences in 4-H, there were the two newer leaders who were rude and talked through everyone's presentations then asked a bunch of questions about how they could change everything, there were the two university professors who were co-presenting - one a Nebraska native (ironically enough) who was actually kind of pompous about everything, and one who was the most unethical woman I've ever met, there was a leader there with his daughter and he kept arguing that he thought his daughter (who is only 12) should get to go to all these national events for high schoolers, and a few others who didn't talk much. I'm getting a headache just thinking about how that meeting went down. Let's just say it didn't go very well.

This week both Gary and I were under the weather (as previously mentioned) so I've been working from home. If I thought I was bored out of my mind before, I had no clue. Working from home is nice in the beginning because you have the freedom to do things at your own pace, you can stay in your pjs, you can take breaks and watch tv, you can take a nap, etc... but after a couple days of not getting out of the house I was going crazy! I am back at the office today, bored as usual, but it's nice to at least get out of the house.

I'm still freaking out about my practicum. I think I'll write a different post about this subject. Look for that to come.

Okay. This was a quick summary. I could go into subjects further, but you probably wouldn't read them anyway. If you want to know more details, just ask.

Beach-ful Bliss

Ahhhhh! I'm so behind on posting stuff! I suppose that is what happens when you have a busy weekend. Who'da thunk? Okay, I know I still need to update about the 2 days worth of meetings, but right now I want to discuss my day at the beach. Can you blame me?

Yesterday afternoon Gary called me and asked me if I'd like to go to this little, mostly stranded, beach on the North Shore with him and Karen. I was like, "HECK YES!" I hadn't been to the North Shore yet - heck I hadn't been to the North or West side of the island yet - and it had been far too long since I had been to a beach. It's about a 45 minute drive to this beach and unless you know where it is you'll fly right past it. It's just on the side of the road, and you have to walk about a quarter of a mile up this path in the middle of horse pastures (for a nearby polo field) to get to the beach. It's totally worth it though because the beach is gorgeous and practically deserted! I swear that we were at this beach for 3ish hours and there were only 2 or 3 other small groups of people on the beach (at most 15 other people) and this beach stretched on for a pretty good distance. Needless to say I loved it! It was well deserved, too, after the preceding days of long, and sometimes painful, meetings.

I swam in the ocean, I had a huge wave come up over my head, I had

the ocean knock me over in one swoop and pick me right back up in the next without my control, I walked about a mile along the beach one direction and then back, I discovered a fossilized coral rock and dug it out of the sand, I watched sky divers from the local military bases jump out of planes overhead every 15ish minutes, I took lots of pictures and videos (to be posted to Facebook later this evening), we took the scenic tour to get dinner so we could watch the sunset fully, we grabbed dinner at an amazing little restaurant in a seaside village, and I star-gazed from the backseat of the convertible the entire ride home. *sigh of bliss*

So... when are you coming to visit? ;)

Soooooo beyond frustrated!

*Moving Complaint Free bracelet from one arm to the other*

I am beyond angry, frustrated, flabbergasted.... you name it! I've been at different meetings/presentations all day, and my final one of the day set me off! I just sat through a woman giving a training on "Ethics" who didn't know a thing about it and was the most un-ethical trainer I've ever encountered!

First off, her training wasn't even on ethics, it was on problem solving with a slight moral values twist. Secondly, she sat there spouting off negative stereotypes about Muslims as side-notes to her instructions and then continued to crack jokes about Muslims with a handful of participants during the exercise! Thirdly, besides her obvious views on Muslims, she kept inserting her own morals, values, and beliefs throughout the entire training. I don't know about you, but those of us who took TDEL (Training Design for Experiential Learning) know that the trainer is supposed to remain neutral on specific issues. Seriously!

I was so appalled that I wanted to interject, scream, walk out, and even at one point cry because I was so frustrated. But what did I do? Nothing. I'm ashamed, but at that time I was so taken off guard, and it was a Leadership (even worse, right?) meeting for Livestock clubs, and Gary had just introduced me to this group so I didn't know my place, and I was technically just there for observational purposes... I know, I know! Excuses, excuses. I should've said something, I know. Trust me, I'm equally as mad at myself for not saying something. Honestly though, I don't know if I would've handled it appropriately if I would've spoken up. One could say that's better than doing nothing, but I have to wonder (in hind-sight) if you can make things worse by handling the situation the wrong way? I am planning on seeking this woman out for a discussion sometime in the near future... hopefully I'll know how to handle the situation by then.

***More to come on my long day of meetings/presentations in a future post.***

Hawaiian Life Lessons

It's amazing what you can learn when you least expect it. I'm in the midst of a "Resources, Energy and Island Sustainability STEM/SENCER Symposium (STEM - Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics; SENCER - Science Education for New Civic Engagement and Responsibilities) for the Service-Learning Science grant we received the other week. The keynote speaker this morning was Ramsay Taum.

Let me just say right now that I am still in awe of this guy. His presentation was not only amazing, but educational, connecting, and interdisciplinary. His keynote address was titled "Water: Hawaiian and Pacific Island Perspectives." It was nothing like I expected it was going to be. He managed to incorporate language, culture, history, science, and philosophy all together in one coherent and interesting presentation. I took some notes during the presentation and thought I would share what I managed to scribble down...

First off, the island worldview is very different from the continental worldview. Those on any larger land-mass see the world as land separated by water, whereas the Pacific Islands view the Pacific Ocean as the "blue continent" and that the ocean is what connects, rather than disconnects us. He then proceeded to give us a vocabulary lesson, starting with the Hawaiian word "Ha." Ha means breath of life. He described how air/breath does not belong to anybody, rather it is a gift we use, share, and give. It is the first thing we received when entering the world, and the last thing we give before exiting the world. He also described how we are not the only creature on the planet using and giving this gift, and showed us pictures of not only humans yawning, but of a variety of animals yawning, as well.

The next term he taught us was "Wai" which means both water/mist (softer and feminine) and value. He explained how water is a very crucial part of life and how humans are made up of water. Going into a cultural history lesson, we were told about how Hawaiian ancestors used to view the "blue continent" as a sacred water and gave it a term that means "amniotic fluid," comparing the Pacific Ocean to a pregnant belly and the water the protective womb. The islands that formed and rose out of the sacred water were the births and the life of the Earth. Hawaii is the newest life and newest birth because of the still active volcano on the big island.

The third term we were taught was "I" which means creative forces/cosmic energy. When you put these three terms together you get Ha-Wai-I = Hawai'i. Hawai'i: Air (breath of life), Water (nurturing, sacred fluid), and Spirit (what binds and connects us).

A few other terms we were taught were:

• "Waiwai" which means wealth & valuable (wai = water)
• "A" which means energy of fire/heat
• "I" which can, in addition to cosmic energy, mean water energy
• "Ai" which is a combination of "A" and "I," and is a form of energy/life energy, also the term for food, feeding, and to eat
• "Mana" which means balance and is the combination of terms "Ma" (feminine) and "Na" (Masculine)
• "Pua" which literally translates to flower, but is often used as a metaphor for children (think land, water, birth references). "We are at the riverbed, our ancestors are upstream and our children are downstream."

Ramsay discussed indigenous perspective of Hawai'i, and talked about the "discoverers" of the Pacific Islands as lost travelers, stating "The islands were discovered by people who were lost when we knew where we were all along." He related this to the cultural philosophy of "I ka nānā no a ike" = by observing we learn. He then discussed the Hawaiian language and how so much of the culture is wrapped up in the language but how the culture is being lost. Many who learn Hawaiian these days do so by learning to express English thoughts, when the Hawaiian language is more contextual than literal. In fact, he explained that it doesn't matter what language you are speaking, if you understand the culture you are always speaking Hawaiian. To understand and learn the culture you must understand the pillars the culture is built upon - Air, Water, Land, Spirit - as well as shut your mouth and observe.

An example of speaking Hawaiian through another language:

Is this glass half full or half empty? Before I would've have said it was a matter of perspective, perhaps a measure of optimism or pessimism. However, Ramsay explained the Hawaiian cultural perspective is that the glass is (completely) full. It contains the water, the air, and the spirit... it contains the essence that is Ha-Wai-I = Hawai'i.

The last quote from Ramsay's presentation that I want to leave you with is "We belong to culture and place - we are never lost. Those who are lost try to find themselves in belongings."

(Photo taken from http://gratitudeplanet.com/2010/05/08/im-going-to-make-the-best-of-it/ on October 8, 2010)

Pretty cool, huh? And guess what... that's not the only cultural educational experience I had today. One of the other attendees at this symposium is a biology professor at the community college we were located at. When she heard Gary and I were from 4-H she became very excited because she is a 4-H alum (small world)! She proceeded to sit by us at lunch to talk to us about the state of 4-H and give us her perspective of 4-H history. When she asked me where I was from and I told her Nebraska, she shrieked with excitement telling that she was born in Omaha (her father was at Creighton), that she had lived there until she was 10, she had gone and graduated from Creighton, and that both of her children attended (or is attending) Creighton.

We discussed Nebraska, and Gary informed her of his 4-H work there, where it turns out they know some of the same people (even though she doesn't work in 4-H). When found out that my undergrad was Cornell College we found out that she knew people at Coe College (Cornell's rival), had friends who went to Grinnell College (same conference), and has family in Waterloo, Iowa (even smaller world). The people sitting near us thought it was highly entertaining that we had so many connections and so much to talk about, that the host of our symposium mentioned it in the "welcome back from break" intro, and explained that in Hawai'i it isn't 6 degrees of separation, but 3 degrees. He then tied his explanation back to Ramsey's connectedness theme and gave cultural examples to back up his statement. Crazy!

Okay, time for the last Hawaiian Life Lesson of the day... ready? The University of Hawai'i - Manoa parking enforcement is staffed by miserable people who love to make others miserable. Not me, necessarily, but there was a huge parking issue today with the parking for the building I work in. Everyone had been ticketed, the head of security had an argument with the head of the department, the dean of the college was called and brought into it, etc, etc, etc. Insane situation. Luckily, Gary's vehicle (which he had left near my building because his wife Karen had driven the mustang to work with his parking permit because we were at the symposium) was not ticketed - we had just missed it - and I got to leave work early to take his vehicle home since everyone in my building was forced to move their vehicles or have them towed. Lesson learned.

***Side note: One positive thing that came out of this is that a woman who works in my building, Lee, was so appreciative of me letting her vent to me and of me trying to help out, that she came and chatted with me for awhile. After finding out that I don't know very many people and don't buy my own food, she traded contact info with me and is planning on bringing me lunch whenever she has leftovers (because she lives by herself and always makes more food than one person can eat). Sometimes it's the little things in life. :)

Today rejuvenated me on the whole concept of being here in Hawai'i, and I can't wait to learn more!

RPP Update

Just got off the phone with my advisor, Ken. It was a short phone call. Shorter than I would've liked, but Ken is a busy man, I suppose. I did get some clarification, not as much as I wanted, but some is better than none.

Ken is working to put his cluster students into partners so that we can have a "buddy" to work on our RPP with... someone to check in with, someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to look over our progress and motivate us to get things done on time. It works in other settings (i.e. fitness groups, etc), so it could possibly work here. Ken will have to make sure he explains it and sells it for everyone to be on board, but then again he does have the influence of being our advisor, overseeing our practicums, and he could just force us.

We also discussed my practicum options, such as whether or not I should stick with the CLC (Course Linked Capstone) or switch to the IPIC (Independent Practitioner Inquiry Capstone). Ken told me to base it off of my professional learning goal I created when on campus, and create my capstone based off of where I want to go next. After a brief discussion of the possible ways I could take my paper and what I wrote about in my professional goal (from what I remember and what I'm thinking about now), Ken suggested I switch to an IPIC. It's nice to have the perspective of a professor/advisor to help me make that decision, but I'm not looking forward to the literary review and the unstructured-ness of the IPIC. Okay, okay... the IPIC isn't "unstructured," but the CLC was super structured and was less work. The reason I'm switching however, is because my practicum wasn't fitting within the super-narrow structure. This should be a good thing, though. I'm feeling better about my practicum, just less at ease about the proposal and the narrowing down of my topic.

When it came to my questions about the RPQs (Reflective Practice Questions), Ken suggested that I start with which topics I wanted to write about first, then throw some questions around until I thought I found a question that I could write thoroughly about in the amount of pages assigned, submit them to him (my advisor) for approval, work with my advisor to fine-tune the questions, then write my RPQ and submit it to my cluster-buddy for feedback before submitting the final product for my portfolio. Seems simple enough, meaning it's going to be complicated. :P

I'm glad I received some clarification. It was also just good to talk with Ken... it made me feel less disconnected then I did before speaking with him. I may have more questions then before I spoke with him, but now my questions are a little more focused, which is a vast improvement. I'm still anxious about this process, but I can breathe a bit easier... for now, at least. :)

Loooooooooooong Day!

Boy, am I tired! I just got back from working a 12 hour day! Okay, so maybe I didn't work the entire 12 hours, but still... long day. It was pretty eventful, too. I was originally supposed to go to the 2010 Hawaii Social Media Summit at the Ala Moana Hotel, featuring Jesse Stay - CEO of SocialToo.com, Dan Zelikman - Marketing/Community Host for CivilBeat.com, Nate Riggs - Social Business Strategies, LLC, Rob Bertholf - Chief Search Architect at Chapter Three LLC, Andy Beal - Marketing Pilgrim, Roxanne Darling - Partner of Bare Feet Studios, Eric Baranda - Online Coordinator for Emerging New Media, and Simon Fiddian - CTO at Wavecom Solutions. The Conference was advertised to:

• Effectively integrate social media to help grow your business
• Show best practices for gaining exposure, website traffic, and visibility with Social Media Marketing
• Demonstrate how to take your current or existing social media strategy to the next level
• Provide best tools and strategies from national and local industry experts
• Give resources on how to use social media to build a company's brand that customers and clients will recognize
• Help incorporate video into marketing and grabbing customers' attention before they have a chance to leave
• etc, etc, etc...

Sounds like it would have been a good one-day local conference to go to, especially since I've worked in Social Media before and that one of my responsibilities here is to try and help in this area. However, Gary forgot to register me in time, so the event ended up being sold out before I was registered. I was disappointed, but I understood. I didn't feel very well today anyway, so it's probably a good thing that I didn't go. Also on the plus side, we still may be able to get some of the materials from the event! :)

In other news, we (as in Hawaii 4-H) are in full swing of our major review. It's going to be a loooooooooong process, so you might see me mention it here and there, but today was an ego-boosting day for me. Remember last week when I posted about spending the majority of my day making an org chart? Well, at the time, the Dean decided to go with a more "official" (and EXTENSIVE) version... the entire departmental organization chart. Trust me when I say it was way more information than the reviewers needed, and was way more complex to boot (12 pages!!)! Well... I was right. The Dean apparently went to Gary today and asked for copies of the version I created last week because the reviewers couldn't make sense of her complicated org chart. She even complimented me (to Gary) on how I was able to make sense out of the jumbled and dysfunctional system they currently have in operation. Yay me!!! :)

Speaking of the org chart... this evening Gary and I went to the monthly Hawaii 4-H Alumni Association meeting. Gary thought it would be a good idea for me to experience and observe the proceedings. Just for clarification, this is not the group that is having all the major problems and resignations (speaking of which, there might be another... more on that later). It was amazing to see a functional group in action. I mean, I've seen them before, but not since arriving in Hawaii! Gary says his theory about why this group functions so well is because they were all in 4-H clubs as youth together and never really stopped. As Gary puts it, they still meet once a month, socialize after the official part of the meeting, and reminisce about the activities they used to do... they still act and meet as a "club." Getting back to the org chart - sorry, I can get off topic sometimes - Gary gave his State Leader's report to the group and presented handouts that included my version of the org chart and the statistics I gathered about the decline in enrollment. The Alumni Association were besides themselves with all the information I gathered, all the work I had done, and that I was able to make sense of all the information and display it in "easy-to-read" ways for those who were not in the middle of it all. Compliments left and right! I tell ya, big ego-boost! I'm not trying to be smug... seriously, it feels nice to be appreciated instead of overlooked (which I've felt more often than I'd like to admit since arriving here in August). Gary and I also distributed 'A Complaint Free World' bracelets to the group. We felt that giving them the bracelets with a short explanation of the concept and information about where they could learn more was good enough for this group (considering they don't have any major conflict).

Speaking of long days and complaint free bracelets... Gary and I have a Leadership Training with the O'ahu County staff on Saturday afternoon/evening. This is the same training that Gary just presented on the big island two weekends ago, and that includes the "Complaint Free Revolution" information and materials. I'm excited to actually be a part of this training because it fits in well with the educational aspect of me being here for my practicum. I'm also kind of excited because I'll get to see the major drama of this organization first hand. Is that weird? I've seen some of it, been the recipient of some of it, and have had my work effected by it, but I have not been in the thick of it. This weekend's training is all about the "thick of it." O'ahu County is the poorest performing county in 4-H, and being that it's on the most populated island, has the most resources (University of Hawaii - Manoa, and the State Government) located here, this presents a major problem when trying to convince officials why 4-H is important and needs more support. Like I've said before, Gary and I have our work cut out for us! Trust me, I'll probably have more to post on this after Saturday!

Yes, it's been a long day, but my days aren't always like this. Most of my days are quite boring actually (as I'm sure many of you have noticed by our chats during my work day). After a month of not having a constant flow of work, I've finally mustered up the motivation to use my "down-time" to work on my RPP (Reflective Practice Phase). I started this afternoon, and began working on my biographical statement and my practicum description for my portfolio. They sound simple enough, but as many of my fellow S.I.T.ers probably know, they can be quite complex. Being productive today - even on something small - felt good. I even scheduled a phone meeting with my advisor, Ken, to discuss certain aspects of my practicum and to ask questions... I figure the reason I've procrastinated so long on doing anything is because I don't have much clarity on what to do. I'm really looking forward to just talking through things with someone so I don't feel so disconnected out here. :)

Okay... sorry for "talking" your "ear" off!!! I guess when one has a long day they have a lot to talk about! Hopefully all of this made sense! Look for updates to come soon!

Happy German Reunification Day!

Although I am half way around the world from Germany, I want to acknowledge Germany's 20th anniversary of Reunification. I was in Berlin in 2006, and witnessed the Reunification Day celebrations at the Brandenburg Tor (gate). That memory will stay with me, and even now, as I sit here in Honolulu, Hawaii, 4 years later I still want to bring awareness to the significance of this date. For more information on Germany's Reunification click here.

Today was also a day for making new memories. I saw my first live hula dance today. I didn't go out of my way to experience this as it was a performance for World Communion Sunday at church. I thought it was amazingly interesting how almost everyone wore ethnic outfits, brought ethnic food, gave ethnic performances, and we shared in a diverse worship service. This came just at a time where I was becoming disengaged with my motivation for being here, and disenchanted with my school and my degree. Seeing this diverse and cultural celebration - as well as my first hula dance - I remember why I originally became interested in cultural studies and cultural issues. Sometimes we all need a little reminder to keep us motivated and moving forward. :)

Hello October! Aloha 'Okakopa!

It's only the second day of October ('Okakopa in Hawaiian) and I've already got a good feeling about this month!

Yesterday Gary and I submitted a diversity grant that I'm really excited about. Soon after we submitted that grant we found out that the grant we submitted a week or so ago was awarded $15,000!!! Super exciting! It may not be a heck of a whole lot of money, but it's still a considerable sum. As Gary put it, "I've been awarded $5 million grants before, but ever since being here in Hawaii and seeing how much of a struggle it is to get anything done AND how long it takes anything to get done, the fact that we were awarded $15,000 from a funding pool that usually funds to the same people every year is a HUGE deal!" :D Gary keeps giving me all the credit for the grant, but frankly, I think he's giving me more credit than I deserve. I'm sure he would've gotten money with or without my help. We also found out about a NSF grant opportunity that due coming up in December. No time to rest, on to the next grant-writing task!

This morning Gary, Karen, and I joined 9 other members from church and participated in the "A World With More Birthdays - Honolulu Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" 5 mile walk from Aloha Stadium, around Ford Island and back. I decided to participate after talking with my friend Vanessa and finding out her mother was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Karen is also a 15 year Breast Cancer survivor. With all the people in my life recently getting, dying of, or beating/surviving ANY type of cancer, I thought it was too much of an opportunity

to let pass. There is not much I can do for my friends, their families, and my family while I'm "stranded" out here on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, so this is how I decided to do my part. I helped raise over $525 for our "team" - the Waiokeola Walkers (the church is called Waiokeola UCC), and over $230,000 for the day among all the participants and donations! Itwas a great experience, and for the cherry on top we got to walk around Ford Island which is rarely open to the public (it's a military zone). The bridge that leads to Ford Island goes straight passed the USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor, so I got to see and take a lot of pictures of that (you can find them all on Facebook).

Like I said, it's only the second day of October ('Okakopa), and I'm excited for what the next 29 days will hold! :)