Decisions, Decisions...

I've recently had a lot of decisions to make, and still have many more decisions to come. Basically, as stated in my previous post, I'm at a crossroads. I need to decide if what I'm doing practicum and degree-wise is what I really want... and that includes a lot of other decisions depending on what I choose. Again, this whole public accusation situation has been throwing me for a real loop and has kind of exhausted the wind from my sails. Now I'm just sitting out in the middle of the ocean, lost, and unaware of what I should do next.

To break it down some of the factors that are influencing my decisions...

I like the organization I work for, and I'm definitely learning a lot, but I'm not necessarily learning things that I can apply to my RPP paper. The things I am learning are mostly through observations and "interviews," and although it's all very interesting, I not confident that I can fully articulate these subtle things to my peers (particularly because of the public accusation situation).

I also like Hawaii, but am getting fed up with being a shut in. I don't get to come and go as I please, I'm at my boss's beck-and-call for work things (meaning I could be - and have been - asked to do work at all hours of the day/night), that I'm not given enough work to sustain me through the work day so I wind up bored in an office for the majority of the day, but then do not have enough time to get personal things done at home because that is when I'm usually asked to work on things, and my food situation is not the best (I'm tired of eating Easy Mac and Chef Boyardee all the time).

Put all of that together and I find myself - more often than I'd like to admit - questioning why I'm here.

Side note: I'm really not doing very well with this whole non-complaining thing.

I also mentioned last month that I found an opportunity for an interfaith fellowship that I really, really want. However...

1. Who knows if I'll even get it
2. If I do get it, it doesn't start until summer 2011
3. I'd have to decide if I want that to be what I write my capstone about
4. If yes, I'd have to extend my reflective practice phase out another year, meaning more tuition and another year before I graduate
5. If no, I'd have to figure out a way to start paying on student loans while doing the fellowship because I'll no longer have school to defer those.
6. If I don't get the fellowship, do I try and force a paper out of my experiences here in Hawaii in order to graduate in May
7. At this point is it even a possibility to graduate in May?
8. If no, do I still try to write a paper based on my experiences in Hawaii or obtain a second practicum for either more material or for a new focus?

See... lots of decisions I need to make, and I need to make the NOW! These aren't even all the decisions I need to make, but just the major ones that effect the next couple years of my life... no big deal.

My head is spinning.