“Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave & grow old wanting to get back to”

I don't think I could say it any better than this John Ed Pearce quote. I've always had a love-hate relationship with home and all that's connected to it, including Nebraska in general. However, ever since I started graduate school I've come to view my home differently than I ever expected. There are still the days that I want to throw my hands up in the air, leave, and never return, but then there are the moments when I'm so blissfully content while I'm home that I never want to leave.

I've been having more and more of those moments in the past few months... only I can't tell if it's because I'm not happy where I'm at the majority of the other time, my friends/family are pulling out the stops while I'm there, and because it's such a short stint of time that's making me content with home or if I really am starting to change my perspective of the place that used to seem like such a prison for me.

This is especially relevant to the fact that I'm currently job searching for my next step after my practicum is over. Before I would've never thought I'd be seriously looking in Nebraska, especially Lincoln, for a "real" job, but now I am. Don't get me wrong, it's not the *ONLY* place I'm looking for a job, but I've opened up my search to include Lincoln and Nebraska. I mean, logistically, it's smart because I have a support system already established there, but still... it's just a little weird for me.

Basically, this is a long way of saying that I am home for the weekend before heading back to Hawai'i, and so far I feel really welcomed. I feel happy. I feel hope. HOWEVER, I can also feel how things have not changed, and how I could end up feeling stuck again. Why can't we ever have the best of both worlds?