There's No Place Like Home For The Holidays

Okay, there are exceptions to every rule, and I suppose some people might consider Hawaii an exception to the statement above, but I don't care. In this instance, I am excited because I just purchased my tickets home for the Winter holidays! I'll be in Nebraska December 18th - January 6th. I'm crossing my fingers that it will be a good few weeks... especially after last year's drama.

I'm also really excited for baking thousands (yes, I do mean thousands) of cookies and candies, for wrapping presents with grandma, for family gatherings (no, that wasn't sarcastic), for snow, for friends, for giving presents to people I care about, for relaxing, for drinking apple cider and hot chocolate, etc, etc, etc! :D

Hawaii is wonderful, but sometimes there is just no place like home (imagine Dorothy's glittering red shoes)... for the holidays. :)

Organization Chart

I've spent the majority of my day working on an org chart for a review that we have coming up on Friday. We just found out about this review yesterday, so we've been scrambling trying to get all the folders and materials we need together. Hawaii 4-H hasn't had an org chart since the 90s. Gary knew this, but has spent a lot of his time here figuring out exactly what the structure is now, thus hasn't created a new one. Now that it is necessary, I landed the task of creating it. "No big deal," I thought. Boy, was I wrong!

The usual structure for state 4-H programs is for the State 4-H Leader answering to the head of Extension, and the 4-H agents answering to the State Leader, etc. However, here in Hawaii it is completely convoluted! Gary, the State Leader, is on the same level as the county agents, and they all answer to different University Department Chairs, as well as their different county administrators. No one knows who to report to, and those who are supposed to be reported to don't know anything about 4-H. And we wonder why people get away with not being accountable for their time and still manage to get paid.

It took me awhile, but below here is the org chart I created today. It may look structured, but it really isn't. I just made it look half-way decent.

I don't know if you can tell or not, but the one name that isn't blocked is Gary's. He's on the same level as the county agents, and is supposed to report to a department chair AND the Associate Dean/Director of Extension. No wonder all these agents never think they have to listen to him.

Gary had a meeting out in Pearl City today, and drove out there with the Interim Director of Extension. From what Gary told me, the Interim thinks that if things don't start getting resolved soon this might be the end of 4-H in the state of Hawaii. Maybe all these resignations are a good thing because it means we can start from scratch...

It's been a long day, and it's not over yet. Now on to working on a diversity grant. More on this later. :)

4-H Demographics

Man, oh man! I've been putting my research skills to work and have been uncovering some statistics for 4-H here in Hawaii. These stats aren't good. Basically, since 2005, Hawaii's enrollment in 4-H has decrease by almost 50% (from 18,552 to 9,437), and the enrollment numbers they had in 2005 weren't that good to begin with. Last night I decided to discuss this issue - in addition to the day's resignations - with my home-stay "mom," Helene, who happens to be the president of the Hawaii 4-H Alumni Association, has worked in 4-H/Extension for the majority of her career, and was even Interim State Leader for a short period of time. She said that Hawaii 4-H used to be in the 30-40,000 range. She wasn't aware of how low enrollment was as of last year, and was shocked/upset at the news. I don't blame her... this is everything she's worked for.

Some other statistics: National 4-H enrollment in 2005 was 6,534,822, in 2009 it was 6,019,021. This means Hawaii was pulling in 0.28% of the total enrollment in 2005, and 0.16% in 2009. The statistic that I found today shocked Gary the most (besides the dramatic drop in enrollment/involvement). The percentage of Hawaii's youth actually participating in 4-H in 2009 was only 3.79%. Gary isn't very optimistic that 2010 has been much better than 2009. It's sad because when he worked as State 4-H Leader in Nebraska it was up around 20% of Nebraska youth were involved, and here people seem more determined to make things difficult than to help him revive the program.

Like I've said before, we've got our work cut out for us! Wish us luck!

Resignation Ruckus

Organizational drama continues. This morning we had two more members of our Foundation resign. To be honest, it was a relief that they did (considering they were good friends with the treasurer who previously resigned), but now we have work to do to replace them. It also doesn't mean that they are gone for good. They may no longer be on the Foundation board, but one is still a county agent. That's right, a county agent. "What was she doing on the Foundation board in the first place?" you might ask. Good question!

I obviously do not have an answer for you, nor do I know what is going to come next. All I know is that we have had three Foundation resignations in the past week and a half, that they were all friends, that they all think my boss is incompetent (their reasons for leaving were that they didn't agree with this thinking), and that we're in the middle of a restructuring from the university. Joy.

I'm not concern. I'm glad all this is getting done because it means we can kind of start over with a "cleaner" slate. Gary is relieved too, and is looking for more resignation/retirements so that we can really move forward. It sounds harsh, I know, but when people are hell-bent on stalling the organization or even bringing it down, then there isn't much that can be done to work with them.

There is much to do. I'm going to work on another grant in the mean-time.

One month.

I hit the one month mark yesterday. How did I celebrate? By returning to the scene of the crime (aka the airport) to pick Gary and Karen up from their weekend on the big island. It's a little weird and funny that I happened to be picking them up about the same time they picked me up exactly one month ago.

I can't believe I've been here one month. Somebody pinch me! Okay, not really... pinching hurts!

I have been in Hawaii for one whole month... HOLY CRAP! This is insane! I only have 5 more months of my practicum! Meaning, I only have 5 more months to figure out the what the heck I'm doing here and what the heck I'm going to write about. *slightly nervous* I mean, things are still going to "plan." I originally planned to spend the first couple months purely observing before I decided upon which topic I'd write about. Since it's only been a month I'm still on track. I just expected to understand my position a little bit better by now. It'll all work out. In the mean time, I'm hoping to start my RPQ (Reflective Practice Questions) Papers. I also am hoping to register for some Hawaiian Language courses here in the next couple months to help get my language requirement out of the way and to learn a bit more about the Hawaiian culture while I'm here. :)

To my fellow S.I.T.ers: How are your practicums coming along? How far are you in the process? Have you started writing your paper? Have you written any of your RPQs?

Eager for Weekend Exploration!!!

The weekend is finally here, and this weekend I'm going to explore! I dropped Gary and Karen off at the airport last night so they could head to the big island for the weekend (P.S. Driving through Honolulu rush-hour is insane!). Gary is giving a training on going complaint free to some 4-H adults & leadership on Sunday, and they decided to make a mini-vacation of it. I didn't get to go, but that means I get to stay at their house this weekend - a place all to myself! - and get access to both their vehicles for the entire weekend. They gave me lots of ideas on where to go while they're gone, and I'm super excited to explore!

I'm hoping to go see Diamond Head, movies on Waikiki Beach at sunset, maybe - if there's time - the North Shore. They also said I could use their tickets (ticket in my case) to go to the Hawaii football game tomorrow! I'm super pumped about that! :) I may even try to hit up the International Market again or try to make it down to the Swap-meet at the football stadium on Sunday. So many possibilities! I'm not gonna go to Pearl Harbor yet. I want to wait until I can do that with someone. It just seems weird to go alone.

This is going to be a good weekend... I can feel it! :D

First Day of Autumn

My favorite season! I love when the air cools a little bit, when you can snuggle up in a sweatshirt, college football is in full force, the leaves change color, and some of my favorite holidays come to pass: Halloween and Thanksgiving, leading up to the Winter holiday season! Not to mention, my birthday!!! *Sigh* :)

I may not be in a locale that allows me to partake in some of those seasonal events, but I am excited nonetheless! I get to head back to the mainland in late October, and will get to venture home to see the seasonal difference for my own eyes and enjoy at least one of my favorite holidays (Halloween), and I can still enjoy college football here in Hawaii! In fact, I've been offered University of Hawaii football tickets for this weekend! Whoohoo! :D And I've just recently purchased a Hawaii Warriors t-shirt... so I am prepared!

While the majority of my friends and family are enjoying my favorite season, I'll enjoy the warm climate, wonderful breeze, and breath-taking ocean view for all of them! If you'd like to help me enjoy, get on a plane and I'll see you soon! :)

A Complaint Free World

I was talking to my friend Deb from grad school the other day about this movement, and thought I'd share it with everyone else, as well...

Back in August, when Gary was randomly in Nebraska, we met up for lunch to discuss specifics of my internship. During that lunch, I noticed that he was wearing a purple silicone bracelet similar to the LIVESTRONG bracelets. He mentioned it was part of training that he was doing throughout the islands because all of the conflict he had already encountered in his short time there. I was intrigued by a training that worked toward diminishing conflict since that relates to my degree and thus could be a part of my practicum, but I didn't dive into the topic very much further figuring I'd learn all about it when I arrived in Hawaii and started working.

I started out learning about the movement by watching the hour documentary on the "Complaint Free Revolution." If interested, it can be found here. I was immediately hooked. I know that I've been that person who can complain a lot. I don't necessarily want to be that person. So it's up to me to change it.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." ~Maya Angelou

The goal of this revolution/campaign is to have 1% of the world's population become complaint free. That's 60 million people. The premise of this movement is that if a person decides to become complaint free and uses either the purple complaint free bracelets - or another inanimate object - as their way of monitoring their complaints by moving it back and forth (from one wrist to the other, from one side of their desk to another, from one pocket to another, etc), and can go 21 days without moving their bracelet/object then they will have reprogrammed their brains to be less negative and to not default to complaining. This is based on a study where scientists found that it takes 21 days of a person doing a new behavior for it to become a habit. One main point of the movement is "Our thoughts create our lives and our words indicate what we are thinking." (What you Articulate, you Demonstrate!)

There are four parts to the process of coming Complaint Free, and it unsurprisingly reminds me of the Johari Window. Part 1 is the Unconscious Incompetence, Part 2 is the Conscious Incompetence, Part 3 is the Conscious Competence, and Part 4 is the Unconscious Competence. Unconscious Incompetence - Part 1 - is where one does not realize (unconscious) as to how much they complain (incompetence). Conscious Incompetence - Part 2 - is where one is uncomfortably aware (conscious) of just how often they complain (incompetence). The Conscious Competence stage - Part 3 - is where one begins to be aware of everything they are saying (conscious), and become hypersensitive and careful about when and what they speak (competence). And the Unconscious Competence stage - Part 4 - is where you have mastered going complaint free (competence) and it is no longer a conscious effort but rather second nature (unconscious). Simple, no?

I ordered the book after watching the documentary so I could further understand how to do this, and have it as a reference for my practicum experience. If you're curious and would like to purchase a copy, here is a link to Barnes n' Noble.

So far, I've only made it a day and a half without complaining, but I've only been at it for a little over a week and for some people it can take years to go 21 days without having to start over. I'm sure I'll have more to post about this as my internship continues. Gary is heading to the big island this weekend to present this training to a few of our livestock people, so I'm sure there will be new and interesting developments to report as Gary and I work to make Hawaii 4-H complaint free!

For more information about A Complaint Free World, check out the website: http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org/

Oh! And one last thing... Happy Birthday, Dr. Gary Heusel! Here's to another wonderful - and complaint free - year! :)

Support Network

Support networks... they mean different things to different people. To some a support network may consist of their family, to others it could be their significant other. To a few it could mean their closest friends, or even a combination of these. For me, my support network is made up primarily of friends with a few selected family members thrown in for good measure.

Family is extremely important to me, and - as many of my family members could probably tell you - I bend over backwards for my family, and would do a lot more for them then I'd probably get in return. But this isn't a forced relationship, this is what comes second-nature to me. I care very much for my family, but they are not the strongest support network for me. I suppose this is because our lives are so different. My life and world view is so very different from the majority of my family that a lot of times they don't understand what I'm doing with my life or why I'm doing it.

It's hard. The specific instance that was the catalyst for this posting is the fact that my mother refuses to speak to me. I have been in Hawaii for almost a month and have not heard from her once. In fact, she really spoken to me since I found out I was officially coming to Hawaii - the one exception being when I forced her to give me a hug goodbye before departing for the airport. I tried calling her just now... to talk AND to let her know I'll be coming home for a week next month. She answered the phone with a harsh "What?" and then refused to speak much more than one word answers for the remainder of our 57 second phone call. *sigh* I've never had the most healthy of relationships with my mother. Anyone who knows me can attest to that. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Just because I've grown up with this strained relationship does not mean that the mother-role vacancy doesn't impact me in a major way.

Since my life is so foreign to my immediate (and sometimes extended) family, I've relied heavily on my friends. Sometimes, I admit, I rely on them too much, but a lot of the time I have no where else to turn. Since arriving in Hawaii I've spoken to at least one friend once a day. I've spoken to my father a grand total of 5 times, my brother around 6 or 7 times, my grandmother around 10 times. I'm not purposely avoiding my family. I'm the only one that makes the effort to contact the other, and our conversations are always very brief due to the lack of things to talk about. Whereas when I talk to my friends, I can talk for hours (if they'd let me). When I'm homesick, they are the ones I call. When I'm bored, they're the ones who entertain me. When I need help, they are the ones to help me. Friends are family.

I think this is why I get upset when I grow apart from friends, I have to say goodbye, a friend departs for a period of time, or even when I lose a friend. It's like part of my support network is removed. This is also why I envy those with permanent support networks, such as strong family ties. They don't have to constantly work to keep their support network together or worry that it might all fall apart.

My family loves me, and they are there for me in whatever capacity they can be, but a lot of times it's not enough. My friends have picked up a lot of that slack. I thank you all so very much for that!

I might come back to this post and add more later, but for now I'm too mentally exhausted to keep dwelling on this subject.

Mainland Bound

Guess who's going to grace Nebraska with her presence October 28th - November 4th!!!! *Thumbs pointing inward* This girl!!!! :D

"How?!" you might ask. I'm going to be attending the NAE4-HA (National Association of Extension 4-H Agents) National Conference in Phoenix, Arizona, October 24th - October 28th as part of my practicum. As I've learned here in Hawaii, any time you're on the mainland you're considered "in the neighborhood" of anywhere else on the mainland. Thus, since I'll be "in the neighborhood" I'm going to pop on over to Nebraska to visit friends and family. I've just received confirmation for my flights, so it's official!

I'm slightly bummed I wont be able to stay through my birthday (November 6th - I have a organizational mediation meeting to observe that day), but I'm just happy that I get to visit at all! :D

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! (<-- Happy Squeal!)

Drama, drama, drama...

I'm completely perplexed!

Drama seems to be the name of the game here in Hawaii, especially in Hawaii 4-H. Saturday, as I've previously mentioned, was the annual State 4-H Foundation and Alumni Association meeting. It was a really good day on my part because I learned so much, got to meet a lot of people, and eat some amazing catered food! However, it wasn't a blissful day for everyone involved...

At the Foundation meeting (just before the group Alumni Associating meeting/luncheon), there was drama galore. Accusations left and right concerning financial documents, a question of embezzlement, mind games pitting friends against co-workers, racial accusations, and "this is the way it's always been done so why change it?" statements. Did I mention that the majority of these members are in their 50s and 60s, with the youngest in her upper-40s? I mean, it's really a sight to see when a 50ish-year-old woman (with an incredibly piercing voice) stands up and starts screaming at people, making a scene that can be seen and heard across the entire country club.

Like I said... I'm perplexed.

As a result of that "show" more drama has unfolded. The Foundation was told that they would have to go through a mediation meeting before they could meet again, specifically focused on the treasurer's role in the group. Not only did the treasurer and her friend on the Foundation walk out in the middle of Gary's luncheon presentation, she resigned first thing this (Monday) morning. Now we're going through the process of trying to obtain the records from her (not to mention trying to locate the original missing records mentioned during the Foundation meeting), as well as dealing with the gossiped fall-out that might happen because of this.

Again... Drama, drama, drama.

Gary wasn't kidding when he said that they need some mediation and conflict resolution/transformation training. Things are just so backwards here. It's definitely providing me with a lot of stuff to write about for my practicum, but is leaving me a little perplexed about what I'm doing here and how I'm supposed to help! We're still going to hold the mediation meeting despite the treasurer's resignation. Hopefully this will be a step in the right direction. :)

Missing my friends

Today was a good day! ***I know that opening sentence seems bizarre compared to the post title, but keep reading, it'll start to make sense soon!*** It was Hawaii 4-H's Annual Foundation and Alumni meeting/luncheon. Good food, good information, good company. It was held at the Pearlridge Country Club which overlooks Pearl Harbor (Good view!). Meaning, today was the first day that I saw Pearl Harbor... but from a distance. Pearl Harbor is one of the top things on my Hawaii To-Do list, but I don't really want to see it alone. In fact, there are a number of things that I would much prefer to see with someone, not by myself. One of the many reasons I'm hoping people come visit, and soon!

Don't get me wrong... if NO ONE comes to visit, I'm not just going to sit back and see nothing of Hawaii! That'd be wrong on so many levels. I've only been here 3 1/2 weeks, though, so I have time to wait for friends and to not rush to see everything right away. I've enjoyed casually getting to know Hawaii. The relaxed pace seems to fit into what I know of the culture pretty well. Also, it leaves a lot of possibilities available instead of rushing off to see "everything" right away and then not having anything new to see during the remainder of my time here. (Hint, hint Amanda!)

I also just miss having people to talk with on a regular basis. The time difference gets to me sometimes. Today some 4-H-ers attended the luncheon to give a report on what their specific clubs were up to. They were all hanging out with each other and having a good time away from the older-folk. For a brief moment, I missed that. Then I realized I was one of the older-folk, and I instantly started obsessing about that instead. :P

To my friends out there who happen to read this posting, my request is simple: try to be on Skype, G-Chat, Facebook, AIM, etc more often. That's all I ask. For someone to chat with to keep me informed, to make my day go by at a decent pace, and to keep my sanity on some days. This introvert can only be introverted for so long!! ;) Thanks goes out to my friends who have remained in continuous contact. It is very much appreciated!

Beyond missing my friends, I am loving Hawaii! It is so gorgeous. It really is beyond words. A few people asked me if I'd ever move here. However, I don't have an answer for them. I love it here, but I'm not in love with it here. Not necessarily a bad thing!!! More on that at another time... I promise.

Okay, this posting is scatter-brained enough. Malama pono.

My head is spinning!

I was in a meeting all morning. A meeting that made me understand why Gary asked me to come to Hawaii. A meeting that made me feel like the situation was hopeless in a lot of ways, but even more determined in others. Let me start at the beginning...

Gary decided the best way to get me started as his intern was to have me work on something he knew I had experience in: Online Communications. The Hawaii 4-H website is outdated and hard to navigate, they have no official social media presence, and have no way of communicating information to each other except via "old school" email and telephone. Mix that in with the majority of 4-H staff/volunteers being "set in their ways" and refusing to connect with others, let alone learn any form of technology, and this presents a problem.

For the past week I've been working on ways to improve the website, as well as looking into different social media platforms that will allow easier user access and information flow. Today, Gary and I finally had a meeting with the 4-H County Agent - Claire - who maintains the website (on top of all her other roles for 4-H and the University). My eyes were opened very quickly to how difficult, if not impossible, this process is going to be.

First off, the University of Hawaii does not have any set Website policies or Social Media policies, but it seems different upper ranks of departments hold the proverbial gate key to any online presence associated with the University of Hawaii. Secondly, a major problem with the current website (and organization as a whole) is that there is a lot of information missing! This is a result of the lack of communication throughout this organization, leading to an even bigger problem that no one officially knows what anyone else is actually doing! Additionally, the disorganization of the organization and the University system makes it even more complicated to get anything accomplished (you might remember a previous posting on small portion of this disorganization). To even inquire into whether or not we can even change/update the website we have to go talk to four different people besides Claire. We managed to track one down during our meeting and she was adamant that NO STUDENTS be allowed to touch the online communications, so we couldn't even approach the subject with her. It's an endless game of "talk to this person, go talk to that person, etc, etc, etc." This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Other things we discussed during our meeting were topics such as: the generational gap, how to effectively get through to State 4-H leadership who are stuck in their ways and don't have to report to the necessary people, the military branch/programs being separated and considered the "step-child" of the organization, staffing decisions made without the consensus of the fellow staff (only an issue because of original staff accountability), communication complications going beyond digital communication, the need of diversity training (which is in the 4-H curriculum, but not regarded throughout State 4-H leadership), marketing strategies and previous attempts at marketing, and whether or not "the website should drive the program or the program should drive the website." It's so complex that each of the previous topics could have it's own blog posting!

My head is definitely still spinning. Gary and I don't even know where to start, but we know something needs to be done. Gary said, if nothing else, I'm helping him discover where the major holes in the organization are. I guess that's useful. However, I'm starting to get more and more concerned that with my short amount of time here (which is approaching 1/6 of the way done) that I may not be able to get to much of my position description. What does that mean for my capstone paper? There is plenty of material to write about, but not necessarily material that connects to my Course-Linked Capstone (CLC).

Now I understand why they say our practicum should be 6 months to a year! It doesn't seem like there is enough time to actually get the ball rolling!

To "Sanity Break," or Not to "Sanity Break?" That is the Question.

Earlier today I had a brief, yet intellectually stimulating, conversation with my friend Joe. Despite simply being glad to speak with him since he's been kind of MIA these past few weeks (that's right, I said it!), it was soooooo incredibly nice just to have an outlet where I could discuss intellectual issues. I didn't realize how much I have missed that!

It made me laugh when I realized that I had been pretty much starved when it came to intellectual stimulation over the summer when this past year has been non-stop intellectual conversation and atmosphere (thank you Graduate School). I can remember many-a-time last year when all I wanted was - what I termed - a "sanity break." I was so overloaded and overwhelmed that I just wanted time to sit back and not have to think about those types of things, to sit back and be happy watching mindless television or diving into a girly, fiction novel. *No comments on Twilight, please* Now, I'm starving for the exact opposite. I really hate extremes. It makes me happy to now understand that I've been craving an intellectual outlet. It concerns me, however, that with knowing very few people here in Hawaii I may not find it in the immediate future. Although, now that I know what I'm looking for, it should definitely be easier to find... I just need to find the right balance.

Joe questioned me on how does one go about trying to reconstruct or find balance between intellectual stimulation/outlet and a "sanity break?" While I was considering that question I began to question whether we deserved a "sanity break" at all. Here comes my S.I.T. training...

One thing I took away from this past year is that not everyone has the privilege to step back from a situation. Although I have had some rough streaks in my lifetime, I became aware of just how privileged I have been and am. I have the ability to step back for a "sanity break," I have the ability to curl up inside my little privileged bubble until I'm rejuvenated and ready to dive back in. There are people in this world who don't have that privilege. People who live in war torn countries who aren't allowed to take a step back for a "sanity break." Minorities who are reminded each day that despite the law saying they are equal, that they in fact are not always treated equal. Those who are differently-abled who aren't allowed to take a break and be "regularly-abled." People who are impoverished - both in American standards, but also in Global standards - who can't for even a minute take a step back and have a break from their daily conditions. Etc, etc, etc...

The question remains, should I even allow myself to take a "sanity break?" There is the opinion that NO, I should not revert to my privilege but rather work to my full intellectual capacity and do something with it even if it's challenging. There is another opinion that says if you have the capability to take a break to rejuvenate than you should, so that when you are in the "On" mode you can work to your full capacity and not get worn/burnt out as quickly. I don't know exactly where I fall on those perspectives yet, but I know where I currently am does not suit me at all. I more than crave an intellectual outlet, I NEED intellectual stimulation on a regular basis. Now... where to find it?

Never forget your Makanas

This weekend finally felt like "I am in Hawaii!" It also felt routine-like. I'm going to take that as a good sign. :)

Gary and I tried to pull a heist this past Saturday and "relocate" (how do you like that term my 3rd floor IC3 peeps?!) a couple of air-conditioning units. Hey, they're technically ours. The department paid for them, and they are in a condemned building on campus, so we just want to put them in another building that our people work in. Totally legit, I swear! We spent a long time trying to figure that out, but once we realized we probably needed more than just he and I, we went and talked things over with the head of the department (yeah, yeah, yeah... probably should've just done that in the first place, I know) - who happened to be working on a Saturday afternoon - we decided to go through a slightly more legit way of obtaining these units, and went to run errands instead. Gary agreed to take me to a bookstore. Poor Gary. Anyone who knows me knows that I can spend HOURS in a bookstore. He seemed okay with it though because he found more books to purchase than I did!

Sunday was... awesome. Gary and Karen lent me their mustang convertible for the morning/afternoon. *Sigh* So I was driving around Hawaii in a mustang convertible with the top down, wind in my hair, sun on my face, and a huge smile! I got some amazing photos that I'm going to post to Facebook later today, promise. Later that evening, Gary and Karen took me to the international market in Waikiki and I bought some Hawaiian apparel (upon the urging of Karen that it looked good on me) and then proceeded to Margaritaville for some Volcano Nachos and - what else?- margaritas! Afterward, we decided to walk along Waikiki beach, where Gary decided to walk out in the ocean to let people listen to the waves on my phone (I about had a near heart attack!). We stayed to watch the sunset. There was a cloud bank off in the distance, so it wasn't a complete sunset, but still... one word: Gorgeous! Again, photos will be posted to Facebook later tonight!

I still can't believe I'm here. Who would've thought that this short girl from Lincoln, Nebraska would ever be living in Hawaii. *speechless*

Although this weekend was amazing in many respects, I also have to acknowledge that it was the ninth anniversary of the September 11th attacks, and also the one year anniversary of my great-aunt Sue passing away. A year ago when I found out the bad news I had to make a split decision, one week into school, about whether or not I was going to fly back for her funeral in Colorado. My roommates were amazing at rallying together to comfort and support me at that time. We barely knew each other. To those amazing girls, I will always remember that genuine moment of kindness.

Nine years ago I was sitting in fourth year Spanish and then American Literature. I remember sitting on LHS fourth floor north building facing the Nebraska State Capitol (where I would later work... weird) and thinking "what's next?" Now I'm in Hawaii, and things are "back to normal." I talked to my host family about that day from the Hawaiian perspective. It happened so early in the morning Eastern Standard Time, that the majority of Hawaiians were asleep and did not hear of the news until they work up almost 4-5 hours later. It didn't have the same impact - not that it wasn't still devastating. There is a September 11th Memorial here in Honolulu. I'm thinking about going to visit it. It was placed there two months after the attack, and apparently is well visited here in Honolulu. (http://www.hawaiiforvisitors.com/oahu/attractions/honolulu-hale-memorial.htm) 'A'ole poina (never forgotten/forget).

A weekend for remembering. A weekend for finally starting to feel at place. A weekend for truly appreciating where I am, what I have, and how I've gotten here. :)

P.S. Stop thinking dirty! Makana means "gift from heaven" or "reward/blessing" in Hawaiian.

P.P.S. My first case of hives in Hawaii officially turned up after a day in the convertible and Waikiki beach. Stupid sun allergies. :P

Take a Deep Breath

I can breathe a little easier today than I could a few days ago.

I was able to talk with Gary yesterday about my food situation. And boy was I wrong... it wasn't a misunderstanding by my host family. It wasn't a misunderstanding by me. It was Gary! He hadn't remembered exactly what was written in my letter of appointment and hadn't realized the burden food could create when it hasn't been specified who is responsible for what. Needless to say, he was very gracious about resolving the issue. More gracious than he need be, to be honest. I had a hard time trying to get him to stick to the basics. It all boils down to me not having to worry about my food situation. Whether I have to eat dinner with Gary and Karen (which I have for the past two nights) or whether I have a small make-my-own meal - such as Campbell's soup, Chef Boyardee, Easy Mac, pasta, etc - it's taken care of. This doesn't mean that it's completely resolved or all hunky-dory. I don't have any place to store cold foods, and I have to wait until my host family is done with the kitchen before I can prepare anything for myself (I was supposed to be able to use this small kitchenette that the other tenant uses, but she seems pretty protective over her things so I'm just not going to go down that road), but at least I'm not starving.

I don't want it to seem like my host family is not considerate - they are! - but they agreed to have another "tenant" not an adopt-o-child that they have to take care of. They are very accommodating, nice, intelligent, considerate people. The wife, Helene, is interested in what I'm studying, and the husband, Mark, is always talking to me about his work and about the Midwest (he's originally from Minnesota). I still haven't spoken with Thea (short for Althea) much. She keeps to herself mostly.

Another reason I can kind of breath easier is that we're slowly figuring out what my job actually is! Don't get too excited, there is still a lot to figure out, but today Gary and found a niche that I can fill in online communications. Hawaii 4-H's current website is outdated and hard to navigate; the county agents have recently created a blogspot webpage for them to share news between counties, but don't ever use it; and many new club leaders keep searching the current websites and popular social media websites (such as Facebook and Twitter) to see if there are any upcoming events they can get their clubs involved in, but there is nothing set up to house that information. Enter Jenn! (baah-bah-bah-baaaaaaaaah!) I'm going to work to create a simple, yet user friendly, website/portal for Hawaii 4-H information to be held as well distributed to participants. It's going to include an events calendar and links to new social media pages (soon-to-be Facebook pages, possibly other social media too). This will allow the youth involved in 4-H to be more clued in to what the 4-H organization (on a larger scale than just their club) is doing, and connect with other 4-H-ers on the islands. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek! (<--girly squeal) I'm super excited! This is kind of like what I did for the two organizations I worked with while I was an AmeriCorps*VISTA, so it's right up my alley!

Again, this is just one project I'll be working on, but it's a start. It's better than what I've been doing for the past 2 weeks (which isn't much). So, things are definitely looking up. They're not perfect, but I didn't ask for perfect! I asked for some clarity, and that's what I'm getting.

In other news, I've been sick today. Some sort of stomach flu. I can't tell if it's because I caught a bug going 'round, I ate something funny, or my stomach is just reacting from my (severely) irregular eating schedule over the past week. Who knows. Adam - the graduate assistant who works in my office space - went home sick today too. I don't know what he was sick with, but I hope we don't have the same thing because he didn't look too good before he headed home. *fingers crossed*

Questions to Make You Think

This post isn't really related to my time here in Hawaii or my practicum, but it's been on my mind a lot today, so I thought I would share...

For those who know really know me, I tend to ask a lot of questions (more than one friend has used the term "incessant"). I usually ask questions to learn, because I am curious person, and also to take the pressure off of me. So when I originally found the following list of questions, I was immediately intrigued and amazed. I found myself wanting to ask people these particular questions all the time, but - for once in my life - refrained. Rather, I posted it for those who wanted to reflect, and took to reflecting myself. About once a year I look back on these questions to see where I am at, where I've been, how I've gotten here, and also to remind me of where I want to be. See what you think after reading through them.

These questions have no right or wrong answers. Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing that he/she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
25. What are you most grateful for?
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Mild Panic Attack

Yes. Facebook was telling you the truth. I had a mild panic attack today... No big deal.

Okay, so I know it's kind of a big deal, but really it wasn't over anything monumental, more it was about a bunch of small things that just built up and struck at the wrong time. It doesn't help that I'm so far away from everyone, either. I'm calm now (for the time being) and planning on chillaxin' tonight with some mindless movies and tv shows to help keep my mind off things and over-thinking everything else.

I promise to update more about what happened once I've had time to process and figure things out. I'll most likely be back to my ol' self tomorrow. No worries, mate. G'night!

"Wait! Hawaii?! Give me your secrets!"

This is a common phrase I've been hearing over the past few weeks ever since... well, ever since I officially found out I was coming to Hawaii. They've varied a bit, such as:

• "Good Grief, Jenn. With luck like that, I'm going to have you breathe on some lotto
  tickets for me!"
• "Okay. Clearly I have upset the karma gods. What did you do to get such a deal?! Send
  me some hints!"
• "Damn girl!"
• "Hold the phone! You're going where?! How?! Can I come too?"
• "That's so awesome, yet so not fair! You better point out which star you wished on so I know which one to look for tonight!"
  

Yes, it's true. I managed to secure a practicum position in Hawaii. And after all this pestering, I'm about to share my "secret" on how I got here. You ready? You sure? Okay... here it is. I networked. Simple. Remember when we were told that networking pays off? Yeah, it did. I'm an example. Here's my story...

Back in late April - when I was seriously starting to freak out about finding a practicum - I decided to reach out to some old employeers from my AmeriCorps*VISTA days (figuring that that line of work would lead to something that would fit my practicum needs). One of those contacts was my old boss (for like a month), Gary. See, during my tenure as a VISTA, I knew Gary in different capacities. During my first term he sat on the board of my organization, during my second term when I needed to switch organizations he offered me a position, but then moved to Hawaii about a month later to take the position he is currently in.

When I contacted Gary, it wasn't to ask for a job, but rather to explain my degree/program/practicum situation and ask if he had any contacts for me (considering he's worked at many different universities and in multiple states). Once he learned of what I was looking to do, he simply asked if I'd be interested in working in Hawaii 4-H. He said that he knew it might be a stretch, but that there were organizational issues, and issues between participants that could benefit from my education/experience, and that he could really use the help. At first, I was dumb-founded... I mean, Hawaii?! Heck yes! But it was just an inquiry, not an official offer. I continued looking for other practicums, but kept in close contact with Gary throughout the remainder of the school year and the summer. Once we nailed out some of the details, it was full steam ahead.

So that's how I landed this "dream" opportunity. It's not the perfect practicum, and to be honest, if this would've have been any other state 4-H program, I would have had to consider it more to see if it was the best fit, but I'm happy I'm here.

As for what I'm doing here... I'm working as an intern for Hawaii 4-H, under the State 4-H Director. My main responsibilities are:

1. Introduce strategies for building an inclusive team focused on the development of
   children and youth.
2. Host workshops with 4-H leadership focused on program sustainability and integration
   into the community.
3. Work with small groups of paid and volunteer staff to practice strategies for working
   with other adults focused on child and youth development
4. Work with 4-H adult leadership, youth leadership and youth-adult leadership teams
   on strategies to promote and practice organizational unity.
5. Introduce conflict resolution/transformation skills.
6. Introduce behavioral standards appropriate for those working with children and
   youth.
7. Develop strategies to developing sustainable partnerships within the local and greater
   community.
8. Develop strategies for organizational (state-specific) sustainability and conflict
   resolution/transformation policies.
   

It looks like I may have my work cut out for me, but as for right now everything is still in the figuring-it-all-out stage. I'll keep you posted on which direction everything pans out. :)

Labor Day Weekend

I haven't posted in a few days. Whoops. Hey, it's Labor Day Weekend... I deserve a break! ;) I didn't post anything because I haven't had much to talk about. My weekend has been pretty chill. I've relaxed, enjoyed the weather, watched movies, read a book, went to the Hawaii vs. USC Volleyball game, caught up on sleep, etc. Pretty calm if you ask me. I also met my host family's son, Curtis. He seems really nice. He's visiting for the long holiday weekend and helping his father do construction on the house.

I also didn't post because I didn't want it to have a post that was all complaint... as in I still haven't figured out the food situation yet. I've figured it out far enough where - it's official - they do expect me to buy my own food, but I haven't talked with my boss to figure out if this is a misunderstanding for them or a misunderstanding for me. I mean, my Letter of Appointment to my school states that I will receive a stipend of free housing, food, and regional transportation. That's all I have to go on. I'll hopefully get to talk with Gary tomorrow. Until then, I'm eating Easy Mac.... mmmmm, that takes me back to college. :)

Again, I don't have much to report. I'm in the process of making my "Hawaii To-Do List." While I was up in Vermont there were a lot of things I wanted to do in the New England area that I just never got around to. I'm not going to let that happen here! I mean, who knows when, if ever, I'll be back! So I'm making a to-do list of things I want to do, explore, and see before my time is done here in Hawaii. If any of you have any suggestions, please let me know! This list is a work in progress and I'm always open to suggestions!

Well, instead of boring y'all here with nothing to write about, I'm going to go back to my book. A hui kaua!

New Digs

I've moved. Yesterday was a short work day for me because we left early to move me over lunch (and so Gary and Karen could go to the Hawaii vs. USC football game). I mentioned in a previous post about how Gary had found me "permanent" living for my time here, and yesterday I officially moved. It's not that far from Gary's... actually it's right up the mountain. You would be able to see Gary's house from the one I'm staying in now if it weren't for another house blocking the view.

I am staying with an older couple - Mark and Helene - of which Helene is a 4-H alumni. They have another tenant named Tia (sp?) who is 34 and from Barbados. She works as a long-distance track coach for the University of Hawaii. The house is big, but under construction. It's literally in the side of a mountain so the front door is 65+ steps from the sidewalk. They have an elevator from their garage to their patio for heavy things (like my suitcase). My room is on the top floor (so more stairs) and has an AMAZING view! There wasn't a view at Gary's house because it was at the bottom of the mountain, but now that I'm up on the mountain you can see to the edge of the world, I swear!

I am a little wary of this new living situation, though, for one reason... the food. I know this sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. Gary isn't able to pay me for this internship, which is fine, but the cost of living is 'spency! To make up for this Gary is giving me a stipend of free housing, food, and regional transportation - which well then makes up for not getting paid, btw! When I was figuring out my financial aid situation I took all of this into account. For the first week here everything was going according to plan, but now that I've moved I'm not sure that I'm getting free food anymore. Actually, I'm not sure I'm NOT getting free food, either. It's weird. Helene said something about when I buy my food I can store it in different places and then she showed me a place where I could prepare food up on my level, but then told me all the cooking supplies (including a hotplate and microwave) were Tia's. She told me now that her kids are all grown up and have moved out she doesn't cook anymore so I'd have to scrounge for myself, but then later in the evening she showed me where the breakfast stuff was in the main kitchen and told me to make myself at home. I dunno. I'll figure it out. :)

Don't get me wrong! I'm not complaining! I am incredibly grateful for everything that I'm getting here and don't want to expect anything more than the bare minimum/essentials! It was just a cost that I wasn't expecting and it's a confusing situation to where I'm not sure if I have to pay for it or not. What I really just need to do is ask, but that's easier said than done. Beyond the food situation, I like it! :) It's a little further off the bus route, but walking never hurt anyone.

In other news... Hawaii lost to 14th ranked USC. I heard they put up a really good fight though! I also had my first Hawaiian rainbow sighting and it was a double rainbow! Not only that, they were both "complete" rainbows. Supposedly that's good luck! :D I took lots of pictures of my view and the rainbows and posted them all to Facebook, so if you're curious you can go check them out there. For now, I'll leave you with this...

Service-Learning

This morning I participated in my first off-site program. There is an elementary school here in Honolulu that has a partnership with the U of H Ag department. Some students here work with about 90 first-graders to educate them about plants and gardening. Last week these college students went to the elementary school and taught the first-graders about different plants, soil, why gardening is important, etc. Today the first-graders walked to a nearby nursery and planted seeds into flowerbeds. It was actually really fun! After working with elementary students this summer, it brought me back to how I interacted with "my" kids, and made me miss them a whole lot! These kids retained a lot of information from last week and were educating Gary and I on what type of roots the weeds they were pulling had. It was, needless to say, adorable.

While Gary and I were collecting participation forms we had a conversation about how what these U of H students are doing qualifies as service-learning, but how the University doesn't categorize it like that. That conversation led to a more in depth one on the way back to campus (Gary and I previously worked together at an organization for Service-Learning in Higher Education back in Nebraska) about the lack of support and knowledge of service-learning curriculum here and how it's sad because they already have so many service-learning type courses in place. Of course this got my gears turning and now I'm starting to wonder if there is anyway I can use part of my time/practicum here helping Gary advocate for Service-Learning. I think it would be an amazing addition here and I don't think it would take a whole lot to make it happen. Hmmm... I'll have to keep thinking about this. :)